I subscribe to Rick Warren’s devotional through Youversion (the Bible app). The other day, I read this:
“The first thing you need to do, if you’re going to ask God for a miracle, is to identify the problem. Every miracle begins with a problem. If you don’t have a problem, you don’t need a miracle.” (You can click the link to read the entire devotional.)
I read this, and was instantly convicted. I had to laugh at myself.
For the past few months of knowing JH — and being scared to death that I was/am falling into the very same habits I’ve been trying to break — I’ve been constantly asking the Lord to give me a spirit of discernment. Gone are the days of ignoring red flags and the things that make me squeamish (and trying to tough it out). Perish the thought of spending one second investing in a relationship God didn’t intend to make flourish. I’ve been praying for a sign of confirmation — something that would clear up this question, so I can put it behind me.
I’ve been praying for a miracle that would open up the heavens and show me that everything with JH will be okay…or not okay. I wanted a definitive “yes or no” answer to the question: Should I stay with JH or should I move on right now?
What I’ve actually been asking of God is for Him to be my crystal ball. I’ve been asking Him to tell me my future. My intentions were good in asking (Lord, I want to do your will), but my expectations of an immediate, concrete answer were horribly wrong. It is wrong of me to ask for a quick fix/solution for my comfort, instead of being patient, honest with myself, and honest with JH to determine if our friendship is strong enough to form a commitment.
This all ties back to two things, faith and trust. I have to trust in my own spirit and know that it will alert me if I’m in a place I’m not supposed to be. I have to have faith that God will speak to me should I stray from his path. I have to trust JH and stop actively looking for and expecting the red flags, the warning signs, the “oh no, I knew it was too good to be true” moments. I have to have faith in myself and accept the fact that what I need out of a relationship is a lot different from what others would imagine for me.
JH and I have had our situations, but none have been so bad that I knew I had to leave. He hasn’t touched any of my deal breakers, and I haven’t experienced that sinking feeling when you’re aware that something isn’t quite right with the person you’re dating. I’m learning to enjoy the research and the ride, instead of straining my eyes to see the destination.
I don’t need a miracle when it comes to JH. I don’t need divine revelation. What I need is patience and a heart dedicated to loving and serving the Lord. He will reveal things to me in His own time. So long as those two items stay at the top of my list, I have the tools I I need to navigate this beautiful place we call life.