I love JH for his patience, kindness, ability to see the bigger picture when the rest of us are stumbling and cussing in a fog, and untiring optimism and positivity. In the face of many adversities, and scenarios that would break lesser people, he perseveres and walks with integrity. When he walks through a room, his faith is contagious, and he inspires everyone around him in some way. He is greatly blessed by God, although one would never think it if you used society’s measuring stick of material wealth, a six-figure salary, and unholy amounts of stock options. His soul and ability to reach others is worth so much more than anything that falls behind a dollar sign, regardless of how many zeroes it includes.
Then, there’s his ex-wife. Although I could fill a blog and then some about her illogical and tiring antics (ever desperate to frustrate him and wear him down) I’m not even going there. Over the past few months, I’ve watched and observed. I realize there are two sides to every story, and that I’ll never hear hers, so I tried to remain objective and uninvolved. It didn’t take long for me to realize that JH is definitely the victim in this situation. Yet, he attempts to treat the mother of his children with a level of respect she doesn’t comprehend, and certainly doesn’t deserve.
I’m fiercely loyal and protective of those I care for. I’ll go to battle to fend for a loved one much faster than I will against someone who offends me personally. Protector of the weak, defender of the strong, blah blah blah. JH has blown me away by his patience, love and forgiveness…his prayers for this woman who doesn’t believe in God yet quotes scripture to him when he’s “not acting right.” He’s rubbed off on me, and now I’m constantly looking for ways to temper her vitriol with kindness and humility. When we receive crazy messages (we’ve found that she only texts him crazy stuff when she’s bored and on the hunt for more souls to guzzle down), we work together to answer them. I reign in his passionate, gut-level anger about her constantly trying to break his place of peace despite his attempts to reconcile (rightly so), and he helps me communicate with and understand the woman he was with for ten years.
Yesterday, JH snapped. A series of text messages sent in a spirit of anger, frustration, fatigue, and soul weariness. Words of a person operating on her lower level. I’m not saying she didn’t deserve every last word of it (if it were me, I’d probably add a few more curse words), but I know JH is a better man than that. But, what should we do when we get tired of turning the other cheek? When we can’t bear the thought of forgiving for the 475th time (knowing that the Bible says forgive seventy x seven Matthew 18:22). When our positivity is broken by the negativity of one person trying to break you — a person you can’t easily separate yourself from?
There’s no easy answer to that, but we do know the Bible requires us to be relentless in our faith and love for others. As (insert an unpleasant adjective) as she is, she is still a child of God.
But you just said she doesn’t believe in God! Why should we love those who don’t love God or display a shred of decency?:
Because they are lost children of God. They are the sheep who have foolishly strayed from the Shepherd’s protection. They are trying the best way they know how to stay alive. It’s not our responsibility as other sheep to bring them back (especially the ones who piss us off). Only God can change someone’s heart, despite our prayers and concern. However, we must realize that we are in a position of power. We aren’t alone, we have those we love and trust. We have a connection with our Source, our divine creator. Would you curse a beggar? Would you snatch away the crutches of a cripple? In this same token, do not withhold your love (the true love of God residing in your heart) from those who need it the most. God’s love is powerful and awesome. If you allow it to consume every aspect of your being, there will be no room left for hatred and it will consume those around you. Perhaps you are the lantern, the vessel, through which God’s light can shine and bring home his lost sheep.
Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.
They still frustrate the heck out of me! I’ve forgiven them, but they constantly wear me down…
Never said it was gonna easy, especially if you have to deal with said person on a daily basis. Doubly so if that person constantly seeks to undermine and discourage. Ever heard of the crabs in a barrel analogy? If one tries to climb up to the top (almost to freedom) the others will drag it back down in their own desperate attempt to free themselves. It’s a never-ending struggle. Sadly, it’s one in which humanity at large is constantly engaged. Let me deliver to you a piece of good news. With Jesus as our savior, we’re not even in the freaking barrel. They can’t drag you down unless you put yourself back on their playing field — unless you put yourself back in the barrel — and why the heck would you want to do that?
Living outside the barrel means you can see all the other crabs struggling and fighting against one another. As a follower of Christ, empathize with them because you were once in that predicament. Understand that they lash out because they are trying to protect themselves. They lash out against you in particular because the freedom and weightlessness they crave is being projected in your heart. If they can’t have it, they will try everything in their power to crush it out of you with vicious words and infected intentions made to make you sick.
So the next time that person tries to drag you down into a place of anger, despair, hatred, an argument, or tears, remember that they are in the barrel scrambling. Not you. You have been delivered from your bondage by the most high God. They desperately want the freedom and assurance you have in Him. They’re never going to find it through their own efforts to get out of the barrel — they have to put their full trust in Him. They don’t know the love and peace that stems from our Great Protector. Pray that they find it, and walk away from the barrel.
How can I be the bigger person without feeling like I’m being trampled on and taken advantage of?
With all due respect, what makes you better than the suffering Jesus Christ went through for our undeserving butts? Not too long ago (okay, way long ago) there was a man who walked in righteousness and truth, who loved all and sought to educate and set free. Unlike me, unlike JH, unlike any other human being on this earth, he DIDN’T mess up. He DIDN’T make any mistakes. Plenty grew to love him, quite a few more hated him. They cursed him, they discouraged him, they frustrated him, put him down, mocked him, angered him, belittled, plotted against, denied, sought his downfall, actively worked to make his life difficult, undermined his authority, spoke evil against him, spread lies and untruths, … (can you relate to any of this?)
God loved us so much that he gave his ONLY SON to save us. Jesus loved us SO MUCH that he DIED out of love for the very people who sought to destroy him. He could have said “screw this” at any time. He could have had a heavenly host of angels torch all his enemies, so when he died he only died for those he loved (and those who loved him.) There are a million things he could have done to prevent his own death, but he didn’t. He forgave us seventy x a million, billion, trillion and died for us to seal the deal. He never killed his tormentors, he never slapped them or summoned bears to maul them. He rebuked their lies with truth (not in a 5,000 word rant, but a brief statement), and went about his way. He knew his purpose was greater than the trifling people he had to deal with on the daily. He didn’t have time to pander to their foolishness or get caught up in an argument.
So once again, I ask: If Jesus sustained the hatred of thousands as the son of the most high God, and still walked in humility and love — what makes us think that we don’t “deserve” the trials and tribulations some seek to take us through? This is a cross we have to bear as his followers. You will be falsely persecuted, oppressed and plotted against. Just know that when the opposition is strongest, you’re that much closer to fulfilling your purpose. Don’t fall off the wagon and seek revenge or try to hurt them as they have hurt you. When the world is against you, you’re on the right track. Keep your eyes focused on the Lord, and walk by faith and not by sight (or the emotions others seek to incite in you.) Allow his love to wash over you, and leave puddles of his love to drink from for those who are yet unable to get it for themselves.
Be encouraged.
Hopefully, these words have helped. I know it certainly has helped me. JH has a long road ahead of him in dealing with his ex, but I have faith that he will continue to be better than his antagonizers. I know the Lord is doing a work in my heart through JH’s example. Together, and through Christ, we will weather the storm. Psalms 59 Have a blessed Sunday!
Some Quotes to Think About
Love those who don’t love you. When hate is directed toward you, repel it with love and use their hatred as motivation to show that tolerance, kindness, and acceptance are better ways to get ahead in this world.
Always choose to heal, not to hurt, to forgive not to despise, to persevere not to quit, to smile not to frown, and to love not to hate! At the end of life, what really matters is not what we bought, but what we built, not what we got, but what we shared, not our competence but our character, and not our success but our significance. Live a life that matters. Live a life that cares…
At the Crossroads of Mind and Soul 